Times are different, political agendas have been formed on basis of sexual orientation, individual perceived lifestyles and the worlds largest religious organization literally brought to its knees over decades of sexual abuse by its priests. For decades, the belief was that anyone who identified as gay was the victim of sexual abuse during childhood, or that anyone gay was a sexual predator of children. Social media sadly has continued to promote and perpetrate these beliefs. Special interest groups and political parties have used sexual orientation as a means of fund raising and pushing political agendas and promoting division.
Given the current massive amount of material posted online in every forum talking about pedophilia, arguing gay people are grooming victims, etc. it is important that people have some understanding and actual knowledge before making such statements, claims or taking certain positions.
2024 some 63 years later I find myself writing this more out of personal need more than anything else. If writing this helps one person come to understand their beliefs or portrayal is based on falsehoods or helps one gay person see how they have become pawns for political agendas or organizations whose only true interest is fundraising, then it is worth it.
Born in 1961 in rural South Carolina, this skinny little white kid with a big head and even bigger ears wasn’t your normal kid. He couldn’t be given at 4 yrs. old he had a vocabulary at the time was reserved for reference to sailors. Never being around anyone or any place where the words Fuck you, mother fucker, etc. were ever spoken this 4-year-old knew them all and used them all when he became angry. It would be decades later before discovering these angry outbursts were result of allergies not any mental disorders as thought back then. Shortly after birth his skin began to turn into an almost fish scale type and the flesh in his arms literally opened up. Turns out it was result of an allergic reaction to cow’s milk. This was easily addressed by replacing with soy milk, but other allergies were not so easily determined and as he grew adults and medical experts continued to be confounded.
The most popular TV program in the time was Lassis, not sure many people today even know the show existed. This kid loved Lassie and was not afraid to express emotional reactions to any of its story lines which all pulled on the heartstrings. He would literally begin crying watching Lassie during the sad parts as well as its happy endings. This reaction from a kid who everyone failed to realize at the time was much more advanced in understanding then thought possible at the time, was “emotionally disturbed.” His 6th birthday came and at the time what was considered normal was boys got trucks and GI Joe and girls got Barbie’s and tea sets. Yet as stated earlier this kid was not what was considered normal, and he clearly was not interested in trucks or GI Joe. Once his gifts were known to be trucks etc. he became so angry the party was destroyed and he only calmed down after being given baby dolls and tea set. This event in 1967s southern Baptist rural SC only reinforced beliefs this kid was not normal and had issues. Within months his parents separated, and his mom had left before he and his siblings had awakened with his dad set to pick them up and take them with him to his parents’ house.
At 6 he was already very aware of his surroundings and issues, knowing something was not right with his parents. He had been taken with his dad multiple times when his dad went to meet the woman, he was having an affair with on the other side of town. Shortly after going to live with his dad and grandparents he was sent to the principal’s office at Antioch Elementary School by his 1st grade teacher Mrs. Smith. At this time remember schools paddled students for misbehaving in class. He was approached by the Principle in an attempt to paddle him when he in all of his 45 pounds soaking wet picked up the steel desk in the principal’s office like it was a piece of paper. Fearful, the principle decided rather than paddle him he was going to send him home. Because the school was fairly close to his grandparents house and his father could not leave work to pick him up the principle decided he would personally drive him home. The school sat up a hill off Hwy 34 with a winding driveway entrance. Once the principle got to Hwy 34 the kid slid across the front seat sitting halfway on floorboard of the car and slammed his foot on the gas causing the car to bolt across Hwy 34 and principle to almost lose complete control. Shortly after this even his father contacted his mom telling her she needed to take him to live with her.
His mother who married his father at 15 after she had been living with relatives after her mother & father died when she was 12. The story was that her father killed her mother & then killed himself yet despite searching for any records of the event she was never able to find any. The mother who had already been repeatedly told by neighbors and church members her son was possessed and she needed to take him to a Catholic church and have an exorcism perform, was the only person who said somethings not right and constantly sought help and answers only to be dismissed. Shortly after going to live with his mom, he graduated from the first grade to the 3rd grade. After two events the mother had decided she had to do something. The first was after starting the 3rd grade he ended up picking up yet another steel desk in a principles office only this time he literally lifted if up and flipped it over on the principle. The second event was while the mom was at work he became upset at his younger sister under a grape vine in the neighbor’s yard and had begun choking his sister to where it took five grown men to get his hands off her throat. After these events his mom took him to the South Carolina State Hospital for admission and evaluation.
The hospital immediately put this kid on Ritalin only to discover it had the complete opposite effect on him than it was supposed. He was then placed on Mellaril. It was during this 3 month period it was discovered this kid had an extremely high IQ unheard of for someone his age. During this period, it was normal practice for kids to be diagnosed as emotionally disturbed, put on medication and released. The admission lasted from May 1968 to August 1968. In this case the hospital had suggested to his parents the possibility of him being a good candidate for a childhood psychology program at the University of South Carolina Medical University Hospital in Charleston. After his release from the state hospital, he returned to his mom’s home where he was enrolled in a different school. It was not long before his first event at his new school.
After beginning classes at Hartsville Grammar School, he had become upset which resulted in his holding his teacher & classmates (for lack of a better choice of words) hostage or from leaving the classroom by holding a coke bottle threatening to use it if anyone tried to leave. This resulted in what would be the Hartsville Police department’s first ever standoff situation as well as the first child to ever be arrested and held in the Hartsville city jail. It was enough for his mom to follow the advice of hospital and have him admitted to the University Medical College Hospital in Charleston, SC. It was at Medical College Hospital this kids parents were told to their face by one Dr. R. Ramsey Mellette, Jr., Director of Child Psychiatry their son was “homosexual” with extremely high IQ with abnormally high intellectual capacity. This was September 1969.
1969 an eight-year-old who not only knows he is gay, he doesn’t try to hide it nor is he ever confronted by his parents or for that matter any family member over it. A time when being gay is considered to be a mental illness it is a psychiatrist who breaks the news to the parents. A kid who has NOT been molested by anyone ever at this point. A time when being openly gay good and in most cases did result in being assaulted, beaten, and in some cases killed, you have a 8 year old kid not fearful of any of it or of being himself. He was like any other kid, he enjoyed sports and in fact loved boxing, perhaps as a way to deal with any pent up aggression but he was a kid who lived openly and without fear. There is no doubt people talked about this kid, but be clear, they did so behind his back and never to his face. That may be partly because many of those people knew his being angry could result in their having their asses whipped badly by a queer no less.
It wasn’t as if it had really been a secret as at this young age he had already begun writing what many would say were letters usually written by adults which he placed in places he knew the guy they were written to would find them. Dr Mellette had determined that in his professional opinion this kid simply needed to have strict limits imposed and recommended his parents place him at John de la Howe School in McCormick SC. 1970 arrived and because both parents had determined neither could control this kid he was placed at John de la Howe at the recommendation of Dr. Mellette. It would also be where this kid had his very first sexual experience at 8 years old.
After being admitted to John de la Howe school in McCormick SC at 8 years old he was placed in Savannah Cottage. At the time the house mother was Mrs. West. Shortly after arriving he would be in the second-floor bathroom on the end of the cottage closer to the school when he was approached by 3 older (12 to 13 YO) kids where one asked him to perform oral sex on them. It was an effort to humiliate the kid more than anything else which as far as the kid is concerned failed. The leader of the group had a plan where he was going to have the other two have oral sex performed on them but they were not supposed to allow themselves to have an erection, instead they were supposed to urinate in the kids mouth. When the two followers ended up with erections preventing them from being able to urinate the leader cut in as if he wanted to be part of the fun and began to urinate in the kids mouth. Instead of humiliating this kid the leader got humiliated when this kid immediately stood up and beat his ass in front of his friends. This kid remained at John de la Howe for almost 3 years, during which time despite having been attracted to several adult men and a couple of older teens closer to the 18 age he did not pursue any of them nor did he have any other sexual encounters. The 3 kids who thought they would humiliate him ended up becoming his best friends.
During his stay at John de la Howe the house mother in his cottage had changed from Mrs. West to Mrs. Hopkins. Not only was this kid highly intelligent, openly gay his was even at 9 years old very independent, direct, opinionated and brutally blunt. He and Mrs. Hopkins not only were not going to get along, but they were also clearly going to have all out war between them in almost everything they did. It was 1972 and the kid was returning to John de la Howe at the end of summer break which he had spent with his dad & siblings. As he and his dad arrived at Savannah cottage, he and Mrs. Hopkins immediately went at each other, and it only got more heated as people tried to calm them both down. It was that moment where the kid told his dad, “Lets go, I am not staying here any longer.” His father clearly not wanting (not because he didn’t love his son, but because he didn’t think he could provide the setting his son needed) to return home with his son tried to reason with him, but knowing his son the father quickly realized nothing was going to make this kid calm down or change his mind about not returning to John de la Howe. The dad never said anything to his son but he knew it would not be long after returning home with him that something would happen where his son would again have to be placed outside the home. 1972 would also be the time when this kid who all his life had been seen as “not normal” would begin to express himself more openly without concern what anyone thought.
After beginning school at Camden middle school this kid, as he would discover decades later, began what would become a local legend only discussed outside his presence. He had begun openly expressing his attraction to other guys while always being respectful. He had this unheard-of way to use humor in his telling a guy he was cute where it was never seen as offensive but ended up being seen by most as a compliment. But he was more seriously drawn to adult men and found writing very detailed letters to them was the best way to express himself. To be clear none of these men ever responded or even attempted to engage in any inappropriate contact with him. As his father had known would happen, he had an incident at school with his anger which resulted in him being expelled. It was this incident where the Sheriffs dept were called and the kid for the first time was in the family court line of sight.
It was determined by the Family Court (which had communicated with John de la Howe by letter from Judge J. Douglas Montgomery dated September 5, 1972, asking for any information and recommendations as to the kid stating “we have had community complaints about this minor, mainly by phone. We actually have no information about his background.”) to send this soon to be 11 yrs. old kid to the Dept of Social Services Reception & Evaluation center for determination if he should be placed within one of their facilities. It was while at the R&E center this kid had his first actual sexual intercourse. It was consensual and was with an older young man at the center. While the placement was within the states agency which dealt with juvenile offenses, this kid was not accused of anything other than what at the time was called incorrigible or more bluntly an independent minded kid the parents could not control.
After going through the usual psychological testing regimen, academic assessments, medical physical examinations and observing his behavioral patterns over a course of 45 days this now 11-year-old kid was recommended to be placed at the SC Industrial School for Boys located in Florence SC which the Family Court agreed with. It would be this placement which raises questions about what constitutes consent vs abuse and what responsibility or liability, if any, the state has in this situation.
